A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
