Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
