bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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