You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
