This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
