Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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