the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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