Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
