What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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