I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
