Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i out mim tonsoeep
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