it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
