'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
