Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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