There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
