Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
