we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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