I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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