Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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