Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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