I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
