i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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