Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
