the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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