Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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