He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
