I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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