Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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