New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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