So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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