I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
