i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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