New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
