I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
