I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
