that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
