i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize