he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize