I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
