do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
