just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
