You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
