Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
