I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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