a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
