I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
