did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
