Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
