FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
