the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
