We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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