Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
