I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
