sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
