This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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