Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
