mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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