You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
