I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
