he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
