left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
