And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
