We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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