Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I could make wine with my vomit
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize
